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Balance

All the time, I’m wondering if I’m doing right…doing enough. What should be my next move?

I just want to do my best…and I want to do EVERYTHING. I mean I don’t want to be a slacker, and at the same time, I don’t want to be doing anything I shouldn’t be doing. Where’s the balance?

Lord, please make it plain, and give me peace in my “off season”…so that I don’t beat myself up feeling like I should be doing more. Help me find the balance.

Everything

Looking at the grand scheme of things, or at least I thought I was…

I didn’t see what was in view, plainly.

I missed everything.

There were connections all mixed up, but functioning, so I didn’t worry.

After all, things were running rather smoothly.

Time, however, is limited in a space where the ends don’t properly meet.

So, although you have it together, piece by piece, you might still lose everything.

Scrambling to put it back collectively, whole as it used to be.

Gripping it tight to prevent a loss.

Can’t handle an upset…holding fast to everything.

Don’t want to be voided…empty.

Carry with me reminders of times, days…their beauty.

History’s volumes keep speaking…they’ve captured the past, recorded everything.

Written me down, published my feelings.

Informed the world of this daughter’s hope…what she’s desiring.

A far-fetched dream, but tangible in my thinking.

Heart reaching out for an imagined reality.

Maybe not realistic, but it was quite the fantasy.

I drew it nearer to me.

Nearer, indeed.

It began living.  

And that life became everything.

I nurtured it, gently…

When necessary, gave it room to breathe.

Watched it blossom into itself…different, unique.

A breathtaking masterpiece.

What was missing?

Critical elements that turn the finished, but incomplete, into what is simply, concrete.

So that without error you see, my love, rather than lose sight of everything.

 

I Say, “Fire!”

“I’m on an airplane
And the destination of this flight is to the other side
Guess I have to go there
Guess I have to come here yeah
I know where I’m from but now
I’m headed where I’m going right

But there are powers, in the air, you can’t see them
And they have rockets and machine guns
And they’re firing on my plane

But I say fire, fire oh
Ready, aim, fire, you can’t shoot me down, no
F-f-f fire! Fire
Ready, aim, fire, you can’t stop me now, no”

This speaks to me in so many ways!!! But in the loudest voice, in the most intimate space it says, no matter what, I going to make it! Yes!

Let me just tell you, you are going to make it! Destination: Made. That’s what is happening. We’re being made. So much is designed to come against you…to block you, stop you. There are powers working that we have never, will never see. Persevere. The weapons won’t prosper, my love! We are built for hard battles. He who lives in us is so much greater than these powers. Go there! Take flight! Live life, and do it out of the abundance bestowed upon you! Destiny is yours; nothing can stop it. You can’t be shot down! Sometimes it feels like it, but you are not an open target. You are fully covered by the Father. So just say, “Fire.” The battle is His anyway. Trust that He’s got you, love. No need to be hesitant or afraid. Be bold about your life. You only get one.

Have a great night!

Who We Used To Be

There is nothing in the world like a testimony of success and triumph. We’ve come through a lot. Facing every giant, crawling out of every pit, maintaining balance on the tightrope of life. The places we’ve come from…who we were in those places…whew…thank God for growth, for deliverance. As we look at our present circumstances, we realize that had it not been for the past, we wouldn’t be in the conditions we’re in now. Most of that was for edification…for the building of character, mental muscle, and skills that we would use later. 

Think about it, really. Who were you…10 years, 5 years, even a year ago? And now, who are you? Major differences? Probably so.

The thing I love about looking at that young lady from 10 years ago, is that I always had this heart, this drive…but didn’t know what to do with it. My energies were misdirected, so I was always, ALWAYS drained. I wasn’t patient enough to endure the process, so I missed blessings. I had a lot of good things happen, but I was very immature and impulsive, so some of it was mishandled. And yes, I have come a long way in those areas. Shall I even mention the insecurities attached to a crazy history…? Let’s just say there was a lot to overcome. Tests have become testimonies, however! Battles have been fought in silence, but I’ve celebrated every victory, although sometimes only in my heart. 

The point is this…

You can be this woman, this man…because of who you were–because you have taken the lessons and applied them for better living. That is to be commended. Don’t be undervalued. Don’t be diminished. We all have a history that has shaped who we are. Some of it wad hard. Some of it was dirty. Some of it was good and gave us a taste of what was to come. Whatever the past held, it was not in vain, unless you didn’t take the lessons as fuel for the fire of your life. 

Be inspired by you! A lot of times we are looking for extrinsic motivation to push and drive us to do more or be better. You’ve lived, however, with a survivor, an overcomer, a chainbreaker, a warrior (yes, it’s been a war), an all-out champion your whole life. You are motivation enough, but you have to realize that. Look at your life, and be proud that, overall, you haven’t been trapped in place and time. It’s not the twilight zone (although, it may have felt like it at times). You’ve grown. You lived out certain dreams, met goals. The person you were dreamed those dreams…aspired to meet those goals. So, don’t look back with disdain. You were always on your way. You have a lifetime to go, and you’ll look back time and time again. Appreciate the former self, for pushing you to be who you are.  Keep growing, my loves. The best is yet to come, and the past set the atmosphere!

Smile!

smileI have always been fond of a great smile! There is just something about a big, wide, genuine smile that touches my heart. The way a person smiles can tell you a lot about how they feel, and a “real,” “from the soul” kind of smile is something I love to see. It’s one of the best things we can wear, and we can throw it on effortlessly, as needed! It’s one of our greatest offerings to the world, as we use it when others need compassion, a sign of friendship, a greeting, or to show we’re on someone’s side. A smile is a sign of connection and reassurance. It is such a powerful tool, that sometimes, not showing a smile can cause people to question motives or internal feelings. So smile…especially today! There is more than enough reason. You are here, my love, and more than that you matter. Things may not be the best, but something that has happened (recently) was good (come on, admit it). Smile because it is not all bad. Because someone in your life is in love with that brightness. Because there is encouragement in yours and someone would be having a subpar day without it. Share that beauty! Touch someone’s life and heart today. And when you pass by a mirror, smile at yourself and be lifted by the power of your own inner light. There’s healing inside of you. Let it out, my love.

 

Forgive Yourself

Reflection is a great tool, in proper perspective. Sometimes looking back on what’s happened is necessary in the process of growth. However, there are times when we look back and just get stuck looking at things. All the old feelings come back. That old mentality comes back. Self blame and shame resurface. Stop right there…

You have to learn to forgive yourself. Forgetting is nearly impossible, but holding yourself hostage to the past is unfair and stifling, to say the least. To use myself as an example…yes, I am guilty of a lot of things (Lord, have mercy). When I look back in reflection, I run through a lot of instances where I was wrong, where I hurt people. I see times where I was even a danger to my own self, when I created an environment for others to misuse me. The truths I stood in then, I don’t have to stand in now.

Accountability is so critical. If you’ve never owned certain things, start today with acceptance of the realities of the past, even if that past is recent. Today is a day that you have never seen, and you won’t see again. Forgive.  Let go of the anger and resentment. Stop shaming yourself. Experiences never come to bind us in negative spaces. They teach us things for the journey going forward. Everything on the road won’t be great. Some of the roads are worn, bumpy, raggedy. The scenery may be dreary and unpleasant. You keep going until you reach the place you were looking for from the onset. You may reflect on the journey getting there, but you’ll be appreciative of the place you’re actually in. That’s what forgiveness does. It allows you to appreciate the space you’re in, without clouds from the past blocking the sunshine of today. So look back, but please, don’t be confined by the rough and tough places on the journey. Forgive yourself. Love yourself. Things will be okay, my love.